Trust is a fickle thing sometimes. It’s something that we think we do, something that we know we ought to do. Yet, we’re filled with doubts, or uncertainty.
My husband and I recently stayed at his parents house, in the mountains of south eastern Kentucky. We left all four (hard for me!) girls with his parents, and hopped in their side by side ATV to go “bear hunting.” In that part of the state, black bear are plentiful, and we were not the only ones out there, driving all over abandoned strip mines that have become four-wheeler and ATV trails. It was during this short escape that I was struck by just how much I love, and trust, my husband.
Watching him drive the side-by-side (is that even what it’s really called? I don’t even know), over rough terrain, I realized that instead of being nervous, instead of feeling uneasy like I would have with pretty much any other person on the planet, I felt peace. Calm. Enjoyment. We watch a lot of crime drama’s so my brain is always thinking worse case scenario’s and I can hear Moody screaming “CONSTANT VIGILANCE,” so being able to feel at peace with someone is rare for me.
Beyond my personal safety, I also trust him with my heart. We’ve been together for a long, long time. Half of our lives have been spent with each other. Half of our lives. I just felt like that needed to be in bold. He’s been there with me through some of the worst, and most of the best times of my life. He’s the one who makes my heart sing. I may fleetingly doubt him for some imagined thing, but seeing the devotion he has to the girls, and me, makes my kick myself for doubting.
I was struck by how many people I know who have expressed that they don’t feel that way with their partners. “I just don’t trust him.” or “I can’t trust him.” And I feel so sorry for their situation. I don’t know that I could truly love my husband in the way that I do without trusting him. Without feeling that he is the number one constant in my life (other than God), that he’s the rock in the crazy river of life, that he’s the person I yearn to be with. That he is home. I feel all of these things deeply, but if I didn’t trust him, would I feel the same? Would our marriage be the same? Is that what’s wrong with marriages today, even in the church? How do we get that level of trust back? I definitely don’t have the answers… but I think it’s an interesting question to raise. n